The Magic Dial
In step 2 of feeling better (see my previous post), I acknowledged that my brain is trying to help me EVEN WHEN it is making me feel crappy. I know it seems odd, but the human brain is a bit odd at times. Once I acknowledge the benefits of my pain, I have a decision to make. Do I want to let go of those benefits? If I stop feeling upset about the pandemic or the climate crisis or racism, then what will push me to speak up and take action against these problems? Don’t I need that pain to push me?
This is the dilemma people often find themselves in. Their pain has truth and it has merit. And yet it also hurts a lot and blocks them from reaching their goals. How do we break out of that trap? Well, we have to convince the brain that we don’t want to lose all the pain, that we understand that hanging on to some of it is good for us. So we ask ourselves: how MUCH emotional pain do I need to stay safe and honor my values?
With my upset feelings about the world in chaos, I can ask myself (and in essence, ask my brain), what level of worry, anger, hopelessness, etc. makes sense here? Do I need 100% intensity? 50%? 20%?
For me personally, I think around 15 to 20% intensity is reasonable. I want to feel some of the worry about the pandemic; that will keep me careful about my health and the health of others. I want to feel the anger of human rights violations – that makes sense. I’m NOT okay with people being excluded or put down or harmed because of their looks or gender or who they love and so on. So I choose to hang on to some of that anger, worry, etc. I tell my brain that I am going to use a Magic Dial and dial my pain down to 15% instead of getting rid of it completely.
I know this seems strange, but for some reason it seems to help the brain loosen its grip on painful thoughts and beliefs. This step isn’t enough to create change all on its own; it just sets the stage for the rest of the work of change. And that’s where I will go in my next post. Once again, if you are anxious for the full process, just check out my free self-help book. Warmly, Karin
