The final death of the ego: Greed

I’ve been talking about the 4 deaths of the ego, which are really just 4 deep emotional changes we can make to bring more peace and joy into our lives. I learned about this idea from David Burns and I forgot to mention this in my earlier posts but he also says that the Buddhist idea that death and rebirth are the same thing applies to death of the ego. Here’s what he means.

In the first death of the ego – the death of shame – at the moment your shame ego dies, your feelings of shame go away and you are immediately “reborn” into feelings of self-compassion and self-love. Anyone who has gone through this “enlightenment” experience knows this is true. When you break your brain out of the shame circuit it has been stuck in, sometimes for years, you feel a surge of joy and happiness. The same thing happens with the other deaths of the ego. When you kill off the ego of anxiety, you are immediately reborn into feelings of fearlessness. When you kill off the blame ego, you are reborn into feelings of tenderness, closeness, and love toward others. This may seem strange but it actually makes sense biologically; as we shift our brains onto new neural pathways, they reward us with new feelings. So what about the fourth and final ego? What is the death and rebirth story there?

The fourth death of the ego attacks the brain’s pushiness on cravings and urges. This death of the ego is related to habits and addictions. When the brain finds something it likes, whether or not it is good for us, it wants MORE. This death of the ego can also be seen as the death of GREED. I often experience this pushiness regarding food. I like to eat, and I especially like sweets. If I could, I would eat ice cream, pastries, chocolates, and so on, all day long. But I can’t. My brain, however, doesn’t care that it’s not good for me to eat sweets all the time. If there is something tasty in the house, my brain is constantly whispering at me “yummm, go eat it – it’s SOOO good”. It’s tiring to have to constantly talk back to this whispering. And lots of times my brain defeats me and I eat something that I really didn’t intend to.

I know lots of people experience this, whether it’s about food, or smoking, or alcohol, or shopping, or gambling, or any other habit or addiction. The death of this ego requires us to stop believing our brain when it whispers, or shouts, at us “I NEED that thing! I CAN’T be okay unless I have that thing!”

The rebirth that comes from this death of the ego will give you feelings of calmness, control, and self-confidence. You learn you aren’t at the mercy of your brain’s whims; YOU get to choose. Sure, your brain will still push you around a little bit, especially if you’re tired or stressed. But that is just you losing a battle now and again; that’s okay because once you’ve killed the greed ego, you’ve won the war.

Of course, you have to go through some pain to kill off this ego. It is the pain of being disciplined and the pain of loss. How you do this will vary depending on the habit or addiction that you are struggling with. But ultimately you are replacing your brain’s belief that “I HAVE to have this thing or I CAN’T be happy!” with a new belief like “No one pushes me around and tells me what I HAVE to do, not even my own brain. I don’t HAVE to have that chocolate today or any day. I am going to have it when I WANT to have it. I don’t NEED it. I will be JUST FINE if I don’t have it.”

I’m not going to say much more in this post about breaking habits and addictions other than it takes a multi-pronged approach; that’s because the greedy brain is pushy! You have to release the belief in this ego and then you have to remove temptation as much as is reasonable from your environment. David Burns Devil’s Advocate Technique is one part of the puzzle.

What I’ve found personally, and what seems to be commonly recognized wisdom, is that if I can hold off on giving in to my brain for a few days, it starts to back off. If I continue for a week or two, it really backs off. This is still hard to do, especially those first few days! And it is even harder when I’m stressed. But after I went through the process of showing my brain I won’t be pushed around on eating sweets, I’ve found I am much less likely to give in.

If you want some help killing off the greed ego in therapy, let me know and I will be happy to help you. That’s all I’m going to say for now on the deaths of the ego. I wish you strength as you fight your brain.